Q: I’m recently widowed and have young children. Is it important that I remarry so that the kids have that male/female influence at home?
A: Too often the widowed person reacts out of the pain and the grief, stepping into a relationship that is not God’s design. Certainly, one of the key issues in grief counseling is that people should not make important life decisions during at least the first year after the loss of the loved one. A lot of people will be in depression and want to sell the house, move far away, or get into another relationship to help ease the pain. It doesn’t work and only sets them up for failure.
We encourage people to allow eighteen months to two years to work through the grieving process before they step into any other relationship. And of course, all the same questions must be asked: Is God calling you into this relationship? Is this God’s leading for you? Is this his design for you?
So, no, you don’t rush into marriage for the sake of the kids. Chances are it won’t work out because you’re still dealing with grief or you’re making a decision without God’s guidance. Then you’re setting your kids up for more hurt in the long run. However, after you’ve grieved and you’re becoming healthy, if God brings someone into your life, take it as a great gift. A second marriage can be wonderful.
*For more practical marriage advice, check out The Great Marriage Q&A Book. It's available in our online bookstore!