Do I Have to Date My Wife?

Q: My wife sometimes complains that I don’t pay her as much attention as I did when we were dating. Now that we’re married, do I still have to “date” her?

A: Of course you have to date her! You don’t know what you’re missing!

Photo by  Huy Phan  on  Unsplash

Photo by Huy Phan on Unsplash

Dating your wife will be very different from dating a potential wife, yet it is just as important. When you were single, dating was a time to get away alone, to talk, laugh, and have fun together. You took time to learn more about each other, about your pasts and your dreams for the future. You gradually felt at ease with each other.

But this time, your dating experience will be so much better! Think about it, the woman you’re going to date:

  • Doesn’t care how much you spend on her or how well you dress.

  • Has already seen you at your very worst—and loves you anyway.

  • Doesn’t need to be impressed.

Who wouldn’t want to date this person?

Even though you’re married, you and your wife still need to get away alone to continue to talk, laugh, and have fun together. You need to learn more about each other, your pasts and your dreams for the future. You need to feel at ease with each other as you face new challenges together.

That’s why dating shouldn’t stop with marriage. Too often, married couples get settled, caught up in the routine of jobs, church, parenting, and other commitments. Many couples are so busy that they don’t take time to nurture their marriage.

You wouldn’t think of ignoring your car for a year at a time, so why do you think your wife can go for days or weeks at a time without attention from you?

So ask your wife on a date. It can be as simple or as fancy as you want. Take her to dinner. Go for a walk. Whisk her away for an overnight (don’t forget to set up a babysitter for the kids!). The sky is the limit. You probably were pretty creative when you were courting her. Draw on that once again. (Our book 40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate will give you some great ideas!)

And we can guarantee you one thing—the rewards will be well worth it!

Here are some fun ideas for celebrating your wife:

  • Be accessible to her—always! Tell her where you will be and how long you will be gone.

  • Let your coworkers know you can always be interrupted when she calls.

  • Repeat your wedding vows often. Tell her that if you had it to do all over again, you would choose her again and again and again . . .

  • Continually promise and reassure her that your love for her and faithfulness to her are “till death do us part.”

  • Invite her to tell you how she desires to be loved, then seek to love her in that way.

  • Give her a head-to-toe massage.

  • Compliment her, especially for the little things.

  • Send flowers or chocolates or whatever little gifts she likes.

  • Lavish her with nonsexual touch.

  • Call her during the day just to say hello.

  • Put your arm around her or hold her hand in public.

  • Say “I love you” before she does. Begin and end each day with encouraging words.

  • Write notes to her regularly telling her how proud you are of her.

  • Hold her hands and pray for her.

  • Send her cards or love letters.

  • Bring her breakfast in bed.

*For more practical marriage advice, check out The Great Marriage Q&A Book. It's available in our online bookstore!