It can happen to the best of us: Your sexual relationship with your spouse falls into a rut. Wives, do you know just a little change from you can bring a spark back to your bedroom?
Gary counsels with many authentic believers and concerned husbands who are trying to find answers to tough questions about a fundamental part of their lives and a crucial part of the marriage relationship – their sexual relationship with their wife. Here’s what he has discovered:
A husband needs his wife to initiate sex.
A husband often struggles with feelings of inadequacy or failure.
A husband gets discouraged when his wife does not express her passion for him.
A husband feels as if he’s not important to his wife when she doesn’t take time to make love.
A husband becomes concerned when life situations (such as depression, grief, and loss) interfere with his interest in sex.
A husband feels loved when his wife receives him and responds to him sexually.
For one thing, men aren’t sure what “normal” sexual desire is. Since they don’t even know where
the desire comes from (besides the fact that God put it there), knowing what’s normal in marriage is even more complicated.
Psychologically, of course, there is a strong connection between men’s sexual interest and their psychological health. If they are stressed or depressed or going through a difficult time, their sexual interest may diminish. Between their brains, their hormones, and their emotions, a lot can influence the sex drive and the sexual relationship in marriage.
Usually, however, it isn’t the “internal” problems men are most worried about. It’s their wives—you.
Why has it been months or years since you’ve initiated making love? Why, when there are no obstacles to intimacy on a Saturday morning, do you choose to do laundry or clean the bathrooms instead of cuddling up next to him? Why, evening after evening, is there no spark in you for him? Why have you once again rebuffed his overtures when you’re in bed at night?
These are the questions that are dividing marriages across the land. Some couples divorce because the hurt and neglect have gone so deep. But many Christian couples simply endure emotional distance. Men who love God, their wives, and their children are going through intense struggle, trying to figure out what’s going wrong.
Unless both partners agree, sexual infrequency (once a week or less) should be a cause of major concern in any marriage.
So would you like some ideas to bring some spark and excitement back to your sexual relationship with your husband? Here are some ways you can romance your man:
Call your husband during the day and tell him that he is your one and only and that you can’t wait to have an interlude with him at just the right time!
Leave him notes (always in discreet places: his briefcase, suitcase on trips, lunch bag, personal planner) to stir the passion.
Remind him that you are committed to meet his needs just as you need him to commit to meet your needs of intimacy, both emotionally and sexually.
Ask him where you need to be a better student of him and where you both need to “go back to school” in the development of your sexual relationship. This will stir some great discussion!
Don’t forget that few things affirm your husband more than when you initiate, initiate, initiate times of sexual intimacy.
Tell him that when you see him serve you by spending time with the kids, it draws you to him and you can’t wait to spend some tender private time with him later!
As you see him growing in his spiritual life in prayer, reading the Word, and sharing spiritual insights with you, bring him in on this secret: that as his wife you feel nurtured and secure in his spiritual leadership and this makes you want to draw close to him sexually.
Flirt and play with your husband.
*For more revealing insights about what your spouse’s most intimate sex needs are - and how to meet them - check out The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women in our online bookstore!