Fighting Over Friends

Q: We don’t like each other’s friends. What should we do?

Photo by  from  Pexels

Photo by from Pexels

A: You both need to handle this with a tremendous amount of honor and respect and grace. You don’t want to be overly critical or judgmental about another person. What is the reason that you don’t like certain of your spouse’s friends? Perhaps it’s just a personality clash. If so, then back off and let your spouse enjoy the person. You don’t need to be involved. Let your spouse know, and then he or she can leave you out of the picture when they get together.

However, perhaps you don’t like a certain friend because you feel that your spouse’s relationship with that person is not edifying, not honoring to God, and ultimately even hurtful to your marriage. Maybe it’s an old drinking buddy, or the twice divorced friend from college with less than honorable morals. You need to delicately express your concerns to your spouse, and your spouse needs to hear and validate those concerns. Then trust each other. Work it out. The drinking buddy maybe comes over, but there’s no drinking—just nachos and watching the game.

Bottom line is that you need to validate your spouse’s friendships—you both need your same sex friends and you need to spend time with them. Just communicate, set good boundaries, and be willing to be flexible.

*For more practical marriage advice, check out The Great Marriage Q&A Book. It's available in our online bookstore!