Q: What do I do if I suspect my spouse is keeping secrets from me?
A: We get this question more often from women than from men—probably because women have a certain kind of radar that men will never understand. We have been told that a godly woman’s radar is better than the CIA or FBI. It’s God-given. Women know that when their kids are being way too quiet, they’re about to cause some trouble. They know what’s going on with their children when they come home after school—even if the kids seem happy, moms can tell if the kids are hurting somehow. It’s a gut feeling; it’s intuition. We believe that God has given women this extra sense in order to strengthen their marriages.
Guys, women can just tell. You may try to hide it, but they just know. It might be a blockage in
the marriage where you look away, don’t give eye contact, or seem more closed up on issues where you used to communicate. Bottom line is, women can sense when that vibrant connection is broken. And this will scare them. But guys with sensitive radar can sense the same things—and this will scare them as well.
If you suspect your spouse of keeping a secret, the last thing you should do is make accusations. Instead, go first to the Lover of your soul, the Lord Jesus, and pray. Scripture says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16). One person said it this way: Think of the deepest, darkest secret you’ve ever had. Now after you’ve taken it to God, tell it to one other trusted person. The power of releasing it, the power of sharing it, the power of confiding it into a trusted relationship will free you of what the enemy has done.
Pray for your spouse to experience brokenness and the freedom that only God can give. Pray that God will work in your spouse’s heart. Pray that if there is a secret and that he or she is hiding some sin, that God would surface that, convict your spouse, and help him or her to do the right thing. Then let God work. Trust Him.
*For more practical marriage advice, check out The Great Marriage Q&A Book. It's available in our online bookstore!