Q: Sometimes I feel like such a nag. I don’t want to be a nag but I just don’t know how to get my husband to do the things that are important.
A: You’ll probably have times where you simply get tired of hearing your own voice. Years ago when one of our daughters was in junior high, she just turned to Barb and said, “You know, Mom, every time I hear your voice I think of work, work, work.” Barb’s first thought was How can you say this to me? But then as she thought about it, she realized that it seemed like everything she said was a command, “Pick up your clothes. Have you done your homework? Clean up your room. Did you make your bed? How about that bathroom?”
You’re in charge of your home and you want it to look nice. It reflects on you. So you may find yourself barking out the to-do list like a drill sergeant. However, nagging comes off as critical. It’s saying to your husband, “You’re so dense I have to keep telling you this over and over. You’re so lazy I have to keep reminding you or you’ll never get it done.” Proverbs 27:15 says, “A nagging wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm.”
You see, just as Barb was doing with our daughter, when you nag your husband, he’s going to hear his mom’s voice. He’s going to slip into rebellion mode. He’s going to feel like he’s being mothered—and he won’t like it.
What can you do when you feel like you’re always nagging your husband? You need to step back and be quiet for a bit. Ask yourself why this particular thing is so important for you to continue nagging about it. Can you come up with a creative alternative so you don’t have to nag? Then communicate with your husband what you’ve discovered. You will find that a little bit of communication will go much farther than tons of nagging.
*For more practical marriage advice, check out The Great Marriage Q&A Book. It's available in our online bookstore!