Do you feel just plain unhappy in your marriage? Or that you’re no longer in love with your spouse? Some would say you should get a divorce so you can be “happy”—especially if it seems like there’s no change in sight. But we’re here to say—hang on! There is still hope.
The divorce trend in our country is fueled by an erroneous perception about the outcome of divorce.
While we don’t know anyone who claims that divorce is painless, we have discovered that lots of people believe that divorce is the doorway to a fresh start and a happier life.
These people reason, “If I could just get out of this dead-end marriage, if I could part company with my nagging spouse, I would finally be happy.” And with divorce rates among Christians higher than they are among the general population, we may safely assume that many believers have swallowed this lie as well.
If you are sometimes tempted to believe that the grass is greener on the other side of the marital fence, forget it. It isn’t true.
No matter how good your marriage is, you and your spouse will go through times of drought. Why? Because your spouse was never meant to satisfy you completely . . . only Jesus can love perfectly. Happiness in marriage is not found when both partners are devoted to having the other partner provide all the happiness for them. Jesus must have this foundational position in your marriage.
Being a faithful, wise, and loving spouse ultimately relies upon your choice to be faithful to God. When a husband or wife is unlovable or unable to be made happy, the marriage can only survive when you find hope and happiness in God’s strength, power, and glory.
Before you can ever know the deep security and confidence God intends for you to enjoy as a couple, you need to be certain in your heart that your relationship is rooted in a love that will never give up. Good things are possible because a bond exists between you, and God will not let you ignore it. He created the marriage bond—that solemn covenant—to be unbreakable.
Recent research followed a number of couples who were unhappy in their marriages but refused to get divorced. Five years later these same couples rated their marriages as either “happy” or “very happy.”
What caused the difference? For one thing, time. If you just stay in a marriage and get past the stage of unhappiness, you are likely to find your marriage improving over time. Just think what could happen if we as Christians add to time the power of the Holy Spirit to truly give purpose to our marriages!
Remember, love is a choice, not a feeling. You may not currently feel like you’re in love with your spouse, but because of the commitment you once made, you must choose to love and show it by your actions. You will find that the feelings will follow.