Q. We both love God and we both have good prayer lives individually but we don't pray together or seem to connect spiritually like I think many couples seem to do. Could you coach us up on spiritual connection?
A. Your question is one of the most common questions we hear on our daily radio podcast and at events. Couples love God. Couples love one another and their kids. Husbands and wives pray and read the Bible and go to church. Yet for so many couples there is an underlying question just under the surface that is wondering is there more? How do couples that “get” spiritual connection really experience it? Can anything approximate in the marriage relationship the intensity and depth of my own walk or desired walk with Jesus? As you can imagine, the question begs a full response. But for the purpose of this post we want to address three components: God’s plan for us, our individual responses to Him and our response to one another in marriage.
First of all, what is God’s plan? We know that Ecclesiastes 4:12 is not a marriage verse but it is indeed a great word picture for marriage and is used often in wedding vows. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. When we apply this verse to marriage we sense that when a husband and wife weave their lives with Jesus, hence creating a cord of three strands, the potential for a Godly marriage is established. A husband and a wife that serve God, seek God and desire to know God have a sense of “spiritual connection in their marriage.” And that marriage will not be overpowered by circumstances or the threats that steal the joy and life of marriages all around us. But how do we achieve that connection?
It starts with both the husband and the wife’s individual walks with Jesus. I (Gary) have learned, that when I am surrendering my pride and will, seeking God, reading His Word, praying intimately with Him AND Barb is doing the same, it is out of the overflow of our individual walks with Jesus that we experience spiritual connection. In other words, I can't meet all of my wife’s needs. She can’t meet all of mine. Only God can. It is analogous to two vertical pipes next to each other that are overflowing with water “splashing on each other.” That is how Barb and I connect, really connect, spiritually. Her passion, study, confession, seeking of Jesus splashes on me. I get the overflow of her vertical relationship when I am in horizontal relationship with her, my bride. And I pray she experiences the same from me.
God has a plan for us: to be in oneness, weaving the cord of our life, with our spouse and with Him. Secondly, our individual walk with Jesus when overflowing leads to our response to each other. Bottom line? Seek Jesus with all your heart, soul and mind. Seek a surrendered life of being sold out for Jesus and your mate will catch your passion and likely join with you in the spiritual adventure of a lifetime, called a biblical marriage!